i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
