she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
