I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
