So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
