I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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