Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize