At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Boobs are out for the taking
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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