Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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