we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
