Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
