Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
