The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize