she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
