C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
