we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
