Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Couch. On fire.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
