plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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