Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize