I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
