i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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