The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
