we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
false alarm, still single
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