i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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