Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
