New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
