I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
