We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
