I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
so much tequila, so little girl.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
