"it" just moved
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
