You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize