Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We're too hungover to prance.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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