the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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