She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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