What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Of course I have a pirate flag
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
