I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
