I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
