you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
