I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
