my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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