so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize