Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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