dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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