I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
