ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
