A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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