I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
