Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
