So drunk its hurt
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
3pm strippers are depressing
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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