GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
