he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I puked a lego.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
