Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
