If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
