Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
