And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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