i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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