yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
