Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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