May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
