those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
