I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
