why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
