OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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