"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
