if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
