Already got asked if we're dating
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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