when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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