My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
