the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
