Sacagawea was the original milf.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
