he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
